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"Lotteries Better Than Mutual Funds" by Leon Harrison
Posted by: Old Cold Warrior
Date: March 14, 2008 05:38PM
Leon Harrison
West Carrollton, Ohio
Friday, March 14, 2008
To: The Editor
Subject: Investing in lotteries is better than mutual funds
“Lotteries Better Than Mutual Funds”
I have probably made more monetary mistakes by investing in both the Mega Millions and the Powerball lotteries. I am reluctant to inform or ask my professional Fifth @#$%& Securities financial advisor about my latest $10 “Powerball” investment that I made in Liberty, Indiana, today. This morning, three friends and I decided to drive, inside my new Chevy HHR car, to Liberty for some fine dining after investing in the Powerball Lottery that is now worth at least $275 million…and growing as more Buckeyes make similar investment drives to Indiana and Kentucky, all of them with delusional dreams of getting lucky.
Yes, before going this morning, I must honestly confess that I considered calling my Fifth @#$%& Securities investment advisor, the young man with the “banking” mutual fund plan that cost and lost me $4,000 or so after six months. I mean, my motto has always been "Buy high and sell low!", like ya know…which is what I did. I'm glad that these professional people handled my GM-buyout [no-interest savings-account] money, because I would have wasted that $4,000 on vacations/reenactments, booze, babes and honeys [gas money and @#$%& money], more or less, I must confess. I may have even bought new carpet or a big-screen TV to go with a much-needed long-neglected home-remodeling job.
Well, what the hell, we all got into my new Chevy HHR car and drove about 44 miles or so [60 cents per mile at $4.30 per gallon now?] to a mini-mart gas station before lunching at the Liberty Restaurant. In any case, I have decided not to spend my riches on these spoiled white suburbanite Buckeye @#$%& [or any more on these overpriced whores], but rather on Hoosier honeys who do not cost much money, much like the Hazard ones with whom one can have some reasonably-priced fun. Damn Elliot Spitzer for causing inflation throughout the nation, and those sensational sexy stories that likewise increase the price of retail-economy sexual services for the rest if not the best of us guys. In any case, investing in lotteries is cheaper and easier than Harvard, the odds being at least equal to me getting my lost $4,000 back.
Leon Harrison
West Carrollton, Ohio
West Carrollton, Ohio
Friday, March 14, 2008
To: The Editor
Subject: Investing in lotteries is better than mutual funds
“Lotteries Better Than Mutual Funds”
I have probably made more monetary mistakes by investing in both the Mega Millions and the Powerball lotteries. I am reluctant to inform or ask my professional Fifth @#$%& Securities financial advisor about my latest $10 “Powerball” investment that I made in Liberty, Indiana, today. This morning, three friends and I decided to drive, inside my new Chevy HHR car, to Liberty for some fine dining after investing in the Powerball Lottery that is now worth at least $275 million…and growing as more Buckeyes make similar investment drives to Indiana and Kentucky, all of them with delusional dreams of getting lucky.
Yes, before going this morning, I must honestly confess that I considered calling my Fifth @#$%& Securities investment advisor, the young man with the “banking” mutual fund plan that cost and lost me $4,000 or so after six months. I mean, my motto has always been "Buy high and sell low!", like ya know…which is what I did. I'm glad that these professional people handled my GM-buyout [no-interest savings-account] money, because I would have wasted that $4,000 on vacations/reenactments, booze, babes and honeys [gas money and @#$%& money], more or less, I must confess. I may have even bought new carpet or a big-screen TV to go with a much-needed long-neglected home-remodeling job.
Well, what the hell, we all got into my new Chevy HHR car and drove about 44 miles or so [60 cents per mile at $4.30 per gallon now?] to a mini-mart gas station before lunching at the Liberty Restaurant. In any case, I have decided not to spend my riches on these spoiled white suburbanite Buckeye @#$%& [or any more on these overpriced whores], but rather on Hoosier honeys who do not cost much money, much like the Hazard ones with whom one can have some reasonably-priced fun. Damn Elliot Spitzer for causing inflation throughout the nation, and those sensational sexy stories that likewise increase the price of retail-economy sexual services for the rest if not the best of us guys. In any case, investing in lotteries is cheaper and easier than Harvard, the odds being at least equal to me getting my lost $4,000 back.
Leon Harrison
West Carrollton, Ohio
| Subject | Views | Written By | Posted |
|---|---|---|---|
 "Lotteries Better Than Mutual Funds" by Leon Harrison |
566 | Old Cold Warrior | 03/14/2008 05:38PM |
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